


remembrances that hope and love last longer

by gingergenower



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Established Relationship, Existential Angst, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Romance, Sleepy Cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-30
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2019-02-08 21:10:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12873099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gingergenower/pseuds/gingergenower
Summary: Alec comes home from a Clave meeting, and he's tired.





	remembrances that hope and love last longer

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from [this sonnet](https://www.nytimes.com/2016/06/13/theater/lin-manuel-mirandas-sonnet-from-the-tony-awards.html)

The front door closes behind Magnus and he nearly trips over a boot abandoned in the hallway. Following a trail of abandoned belongings- the other boot, a jacket thrown at the chest of drawers on the right, a backpack dropped by the coffee table- he sees a pair of feet dangling off the edge of the couch.

With a flick of his wrist, the items disappear into their respective places in the closet, hanging his own jacket up. He takes careful steps down the hallway, trying to keep them quiet.

Magnus knows Alec had a meeting scheduled with the Clave. He was determined to bring up issues the Downworld counsel discussed, eager with different ways the Clave could reach compromises with Luke and Raphael and Magnus, but Alec had discovered early on that the reality was that the Clave didn’t want to hear what the Downworld wanted. It didn’t stop him bringing it up, but he could see how much it wore on Alec.

Chest rising and falling with slow breathing, eyes closed, Alec mutters, ‘I’m not asleep.’

‘Oh, I can see that,’ Magnus says, and Alec smiles slightly. ‘Drink?’

‘Coffee?’

Brushing Alec’s hair out of his eyes, Magnus reads his face. It’s soft, all the worried tension he holds in his chest as though it would never dare haunt Alec, but it’s clear that it’s mostly the exhaustion draining all the fight out of him.

He expects Alec will be asleep when he gets back with the coffee, but instead he sits up, eyes blearily open as he takes the mug with a grateful “thanks”.

Kicking his shoes off, Magnus sits where Alec was lying down and lets Alec sit between his legs, settling back into his arms. Alec sighs, head resting against Magnus’ chest. After a moment, Magnus leans forward, nose and forehead resting against Alec’s hair. ‘Are you alright?’

‘Yeah.’ Alec takes a careful sip of coffee. 

Magnus’ fingers drift along Alec’s forearm, gentle circles hazy through Alec’s shirt, waiting.

‘All the Clave has to do is make a gesture,’ Alec murmurs. ‘The Downworld wants some evidence progress is being made. It’s about taking responsibility, trying to move forward.’

All he sounds is tired; perhaps one of the better lies Alec has ever told. 

‘It’s like they don’t want anything to change.’

Pressing a kiss to the back of his head and playing with the hem of Alec’s shirt, Magnus tries not to let the apathy swell. ‘They might not.’

‘I want to _help_ ,’ Alec says, so childlike, so innocently full of hopeless want for good. ‘The Clave aren’t letting me help-’

‘You can only try.’

‘Trying isn’t good enough.’

Even like this, Alec’s certainty is unmoving. Magnus can’t express what hurts- he isn’t sure if it’s the way his parents raised him or if it’s just Alec, but he holds his convictions to his chest like absolute truths, and he’d drop his own heart before he dropped them. He makes Magnus feel helpless.

‘It’s like they don’t know the Downworld would destroy the Institute if you decided to.’

Magnus blinks. ‘Alexander-’

‘It’s true,’ Alec shrugs, and he only sounds weary. ‘If you and Caterina and Luke and Raphael decided you didn’t like being told what to do anymore, you could wipe us out. We wouldn’t stand a chance. You’ve been divided and told for so long you’re powerless you all started to believe it, but it’s not right. We’d be massacred.’

Sliding down his wrist, fingers lacing with his, Magnus holds him firmly. ‘We wouldn’t do that.’

‘If there was a war, we’d have to choose sides.’

‘I wouldn’t-’

‘I’d fight with the Downworld,’ Alec says, flat and tired.

Eyes fluttering closed, breathing Alec in, Magnus shakes his head slightly. ‘They’re your people.’

‘They’re wrong.’

It’s all that matters to him.

‘Your family-’

‘Clary would choose Simon and Luke. Jace has never had a problem breaking the rules, he’d follow us. Izzy… I think she’d come, too. I don’t think she’s forgotten Meliorn.’

‘Your parents-’

‘They’ll make their choices, too.’

War obliterates. Magnus has watched it destroy, over and over, throughout the centuries, but history books only seem to put the human cost in as an aside- families and homes and communities and cities that ceased to exist and were erased from memory because there was no one left to remember them. Nothing seems to survive when war comes to play, not even the ideals that started them in the first place.

‘We believe in you. We believe in what you’re trying to do. We have faith you’re going to do it.’

‘I can’t.’

‘You can.’

‘They call you “that warlock”.’ Something catches in his throat. ‘And every time I’m reminded they hate us. They _hate_ us.’

Despite himself, Magnus smiles a little. He’s quite used to hatred. ‘Our very existence defies them.’

He isn’t sure what Alec feels about that, because he only reaches across to the coffee table and sets his mug down, taking Magnus’ hand in both of his.

‘You must hurt them. Good at your job, better at being a generous, kind person, you’re proof their prejudice is unfounded, and you sit opposite them at some of the most elite meetings in the Clave and demand change,’ Magnus says. ‘How difficult. I certainly couldn’t remember my own name if you were affecting me that much.’

‘It would be distracting if you were there,’ Alec says, and Magnus can hear the smile.

‘I do attract a certain amount of attention,’ Magnus says, the arrogance skating as lightly as the humour. ‘But I’m sure they’d ignore me to the best of their ability.’

‘I’d like to see them try.’

Magnus grins, delighted, and Alec holds Magnus’ hand up to press a smiling kiss to the back of it. ‘Are you inviting me to crash the next meeting only to irritate other important leaders in the Clave?’

‘Well, when you put it that way…’

Magnus’ breath huffs against the back of Alec’s neck in a laugh. Alec shifts, rolling in Magnus’ arms so he’s on his side, face burying itself in his shoulder. Their hands find each other again.

‘We’re not at war yet; we’re nowhere near. We have time.’

Alec nods. ‘I know.’

‘I love you.’

‘I love you, too.’

They can’t be certain of much, but Magnus is certain about Alec. Quiet, warm, they fall asleep in each other’s arms.

**Author's Note:**

> It’s been rough for the lgbtqa+ community in the fandom in the last few days. I just wanted to let you know, whether you never watch the show again or you’re still excited about April, you’re precious and you deserve respect and love is not wrong. You are not wrong.


End file.
